Today I want to share my mom’s story. This happened 24 years ago.
I woke up honestly thinking everything would be okay…it wasn’t. My mom still wasn’t there. I had jokingly told a friend’s mom the night before, “my mom’s missing.” I didn’t realize how true those words would be. That mom told me to let her know if my mom still wasn’t home in the morning, so I did. She called the police for me and told them what was happening.
While waiting for the police to come and do their report, my mom’s ex showed up. He was bringing her purse and purchases that she forgot in his car. I was weary of him at this point, for obvious reasons. I thought he would just drop her stuff off and leave, but he asked to use the bathroom. I let him. I don’t know why. But, I did. (My friend who stayed the night was still with me at this time, so I was not alone). The way our house was set up is that my mom had a bathroom in her room. So, she had the door to her bedroom and then a separate door to the bathroom. When he went in to use the bathroom, he shut her bedroom door, which I found odd. Usually it was just the bathroom door he would shut (he previously lived with us). He spent a decent amount of time in there. I always wondered what he was doing. Was he looking for something? I’ll never know.
Y’all…the police showing up was so weird. I was incredibly anxious. I still didn’t realize the severity of what was happening. Police were at my home to take a report about my mom…who was missing. Is this real life?!
The police took the report, but also said they had to wait so many hours to make it official (is it 24 hours? 48 hours? I honestly cannot remember). I thought that was weird, because why would my mom just take off and not let me know? Obviously something happened to her.
And, this is where things go from bad to worse…
I can remember this day like it was yesterday. I won’t lie, at my age now, my memory is awful. I forget why I walked into a room all the time. I forget entire conversations with my husband. I think a lot of this has to do with anxiety medication, but the reality is, my memory is shot. Except for this one day, almost twenty-two years ago. I can picture it so clearly in my head. Well, some details are a little fuzzy, but you get the idea.
MAY 25, 2001
The last day of my Sophomore year of high school. Boy was I ready for Summer. I wanted to hang out with my friends and have fun. We lived in a small, country town with rivers and lakes for swimming, one grocery store, and the “strip” to drive back and forth on. This might not sound fun to y’all, but I miss those days. Easy days.
My mom was picking me up from school. This was a big deal to me because we lived quite a ways out of town, so the bus ride was fairly long. But, my mom had to get some groceries that day, so she picked me up and offered a ride home to my friend who lived in town. Seriously, we all hated riding the bus. After we dropped my friend off, my mom and I went to the local grocery store. While we were checking out, I noticed my mom’s ex-boyfriend at another register. This in itself wasn’t necessarily a concern, but he did not live in the same town as us, so it was a bit weird. I mentioned it to her and we finished checking out.
When we went outside we noticed he was parked near us. Maybe a coincidence? Who knows. While I helped to load the groceries in the car, he talked to my mom. I don’t really know what they talked about, but a decision was made for her to go with him to an auto shop to check on a car. The situation is a little weird here, the car was going to be mine when I turned sixteen, but at the time I believe he was paying for repairs because the car was previously his. I am a bit muddled on these details, but that’s the gist of it. He left to go to our house and my mom and I finished loading the groceries and headed home. Note, he left before us.
We arrived home and were both quite confused because her ex-boyfriend wasn’t there yet. I mean, he did leave before us, so where was he? I don’t think I ever found out why he arrived after us, but he eventually showed up and my mom left with him.
I remember telling her I loved her before she left. Sadly, that wasn’t common for me back then. I was fifteen and in a stage where I thought it was cool not to say “I love you.” Let me say, it’s never cool to not tell someone you love them. That was the last time I ever saw my mom. I did speak to her one last time later that evening. She called to ask me what I wanted to do for dinner, if she should bring something home for us. I told her I had a friend coming over to stay the night. That was the last time I ever spoke to my mom.
At some point later in the evening, my friend came over to stay the night with me. While I was waiting for her to come over, my mom’s ex-boyfriend called asking to speak to my mom. I was utterly confused and stupidly said, “well she’s with you.” He told me that he had dropped her off at the end of our driveway about an hour prior. I asked him what took so long for him to get to town. It was typically a twenty-ish minute drive. He said there was an accident on his way into town.
Our driveway was semi-long, so I probably wouldn’t have known if he dropped her off at the end of the driveway. But, the red flags started as soon as he said, “she forgot her purse and the stuff she bought in my car.” Nope. No way. She wouldn’t have forgotten her purse anywhere. I knew immediately something wasn’t right, but being only fifteen, I didn’t understand exactly what was going on or how big it would end up being. He asked if he could drop her stuff off the next day and I said yes. Again, confused and lost fifteen year old.
My friend showed up shortly after this for our little slumber party. I asked her about the accident, because she would have seen it on her way out to my house. Apparently, there was no accident.
So, why did my mom’s ex-boyfriend say there was an accident? What held him up? Why did it take so long for him to get into town? Questions I may never know the answer to.
My friend and I went to bed later that night hoping my mom would be there in the morning.
MAY 26, 2001
While waiting for the police to come and do their report, my mom’s ex showed up. He was bringing her purse and purchases that she forgot in his car. I was weary of him at this point, for obvious reasons. I thought he would just drop her stuff off and leave, but he asked to use the bathroom. I let him. I don’t know why. But, I did. (My friend who stayed the night was still with me at this time, so I was not alone). The way our house was set up is that my mom had a bathroom in her room. So, she had the door to her bedroom and then a separate door to the bathroom. When he went in to use the bathroom, he shut her bedroom door, which I found odd. Usually it was just the bathroom door he would shut (he previously lived with us). He spent a decent amount of time in there. I always wondered what he was doing. Was he looking for something? I’ll never know.
The police took the report, but also said they had to wait so many hours to make it official (is it 24 hours? 48 hours? I honestly cannot remember). I thought that was weird, because why would my mom just take off and not let me know? Obviously something happened to her.
And, this is where things go from bad to worse…
THE AFTERMATH
That Summer was the worst of my life. We put up missing persons posters. It all felt so surreal to me. Almost like a movie. I was in this daze and kept thinking…this isn’t real. I wanted to wake up from this never ending nightmare.
The police made me take a voice analysis stress test. This is the most ridiculous thing. It detects changes in voice levels indicating stress….uh what?! They questioned me, 15 years old, by myself, about my missing mother and expected me not to be stressed or anxious at all?! Yeah, that didn’t work out well. This is honestly one of the most absurd tests I have ever heard of to try and find guilt. Seriously. The police then proceeded to yell at me and tell me I knew what happened to my mom. This was traumatizing. I am still not over this. They shouldn’t have been allowed to do any of that without my father present. In the end, I was cleared of any suspicion/involvement, but the fact that I endured all of that was so scary. I understand they have to question everyone, and kids have killed their parents before, but it was absurd how they went about everything.
I tried to move forward. I spent time with friends. I tried to be the same person I was before, but it wasn’t possible. This irrevocably changed who I was as a person. Some people couldn’t handle that. Or the situation. My friendships were strained. I ended up leaving my small town and moving to the city.
OTHER INFORMATION
In my opinion, the police bungled this from the beginning. The following is not “fact based.” What I mean is that I don’t know if these are things I heard or if I am remembering correctly. It’s conjecture….
- The police delayed the investigation because it was a holiday weekend and they thought she might have just “taken off to have some fun.”
- The police brought in an investigator to assist who later was accused of misconduct.
- I do know that a law enforcement individual was called in to advise on how to handle the case and the police did not really listen to his suggestions
I have also heard rumors about my mother’s ex-boyfriend. I haven’t named him here, because this is an “open” case and I am not going to risk anything. I also don’t want to get in trouble for slandering someone else’s name. Crossing my t’s and dotting my i’s here. If you do the research, though, you can figure it out. But, I have heard rumors that he raped and abused my mother. I also heard that he stated at one time, “If I can’t have her, no one can.” There is evidence against him. Her blood was found in the trunk of his car. She was last seen with him. His story doesn’t add up….and he is out there, 24 years later, having lived his life normally. He got married. He moved on.
We didn’t...
THE SEARCH CONTINUES
For 24 years we have waited. We have wondered. We have cried. We have missed her. And, we still have nothing. No answers. We obviously think we know what happened. We think her ex-boyfriend killed her. Her body has never been found, though. So, we sit here. We wait. We hope.
Over the years, true crime has become incredibly popular (I cringe saying that, because why should someone’s tragedy be ‘popular’). However, my mom’s case has had virtually no coverage. That’s why I am sharing her story. She deserves to be heard. We deserve answers.
When I was younger, I was made to feel wrong for talking about my mom. I was told it was weird. I was told I should keep it to myself. I thought I was doing something bad. Something wrong. So, I stopped talking about it. I kept it in. For years. Then, I finally realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me sharing my mom’s story. Those people just didn’t know how to respond to it (which is fine), but that doesn’t mean the story can’t be shared. So, please, share my mom’s story. Let the world know she is missing. Let’s get some answers.
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